Humor and Breathing
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." George Bernard Shaw
Laughter is a great form of medicine.
Humor changes brain chemistry, releasing endorphins that increase our sense of well-being, improve our reasoning powers and make us less sensitive to pain. Laughter is a proven stress reducer. A good belly laugh both requires and improves deeper breathing and reduces muscle tension. People who have joy in their lives are more likely to feel good about themselves. It also seems fairly obvious that having a sense of humor helps one cope with life's stressors and crises. Humor can ultimately be used as a coping tool for almost any difficulty because it engages an increase in depth of breathing that relaxes, refreshes and restores.
Laughter can also be dangerous when in conjunction with hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, coronary bypass and smoking, some laughter done too hard will cause Valsalva's maneuver.
Laughter is powerless without breathing. So is the catharsis of crying. Ever laugh till your eyes tiered or you outright cried?
Do you titter or guffaw, smirk or chuckle, smile undiscernibly or yuck, yuck, yuck?
Humor makes life fun. We lighten up and allow the freedom of the breath and reforming of key thought forms to recreate or re-enforce new aspects of inner perspectives. We get to take a step back and observe and more appreciate the absurd or the underlying wisdom within the depth of our natural un-forced inhalations.
Laughter is a primary release mechanism from tension. When ridiculousness occurs and our breath releases, we can more readily see the beauty, joy, wittiness or intelligence and better accept unfamiliar or too familiar forms; even the gems of truth hidden in obscure, and blatantly obvious counterproductive points of view. I would dearly miss the newspaper comic section.
On a more somber note, Doonesbury author Gary Trudeau states that "In the shadow of great sorrow, sometimes laughter is the only thing between people and utter despair."
"Wrinkles
should merely indicate where the smiles have been."
Mark Twain
Breathing and humor can be a safety valve for the healthy release and expression of anger and other strong feelings and emotions.
Humor is mentally and physically good for everyone offering perspective and balance while providing temporary relief from the world's restrictive regulations.
Humor is a means of communication and creative expression.
Humor affirms life and brings people together.
Humor is a way to express the truth even when the truth is feared.
Humor is very beneficial in strengthening relationships. It gives one a special perspective and sense of power. Humor also dispels anger and aggression and relieves tension.
We that learn to find humor even in some of the grim realities and emotion-packed challenges of daily life have an edge on peace of mind. But this mindset takes practice.
And so it goes..
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-----HANDY EXERCISES TO PREPARE FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE. Borrowed with author permission from "And How Are We Feeling Today?" by Kathryn Hammer (copyright 1993, Contemporary Books).
1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe you with his applicator.
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat.
3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort".
5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (square head) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
6. Remove all actual food from the house.
7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree
and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.
8. Urinate into an empty lipstick
tube
For Mothers and a few fathers
One of my favorite birthday cards shows a picture of a "seeker" coming to the "top of the mountain" to ask the great sage and seer of all knowingness,
"Oh great baba, what is the secret of long life?"
Inside the card, baba reveals,
"Keep breathing as long as you can."
The Laughlab, at www.laughlab.co.uk, was created by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in England for what he calls the most comprehensive study ever on the psychology of humor. Since it was launched the site has collected more than 20,000 jokes and ratings from 200,000 people in 70 countries.
The following joke received the highest rating from 47 percent of people who participated:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."
Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent."
Diagnosis?.
"When I press my forehead with my finger, it really hurts, " a
patient complained to his doctor. "And when I do the same to my cheek,
it's also painful. Even if I press on my stomach, I suffer. What can it
be?"
Stumped, the physician sent the patient to a specialist.
The man returned to his doctor the following week. "what did the
specialist say?" the doctor asked. The man replied.
"She said I have a broken finger."
--The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected.
In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Dililah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to
the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The fifth commandment is to humor thy father & mother. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still & he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklestines, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives & 700 porcupines. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone".
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead & managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibles. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
San Francisco is the greatest.
REAL HEADLINES IN REAL NEWSPAPERS
1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
5. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
6. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
9. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
10. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
11. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids
14. Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
16. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
17. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
18. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
21. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
23. War Dims Hope for Peace
24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
25. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
26. Deer Kill 17,000
27. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
30. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
31. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
32. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
34. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
35. Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
36. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
37. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
38. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
PREPARING FOR A MAMMOGRAM
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram but there is no need to worry. By taking a
few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice
exercises, you will be totally prepared. Borrowed with permission from the
author. "And How Are We Feeling Today?" by Kathryn Hammer
(copyright 1993, Contemporary Books).
Best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home!
Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
Exercise #2: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
Exercise #3: Visit your garage at 3:00 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect. Take off all our warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. Relieving the Trauma of Mammography
--- Twenty five best responses if found asleep at your desk
25. "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!"
24. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
23. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
22. "You don't discriminate against those with Latent Atrophy Zymosis Yeast syndrome, DO YOU?!?"
21. "Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."
20. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
19. "Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."
18. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
17. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
16. "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
15. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
14. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
13. "I'm doing the "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
12. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"
11. "This is a highly specific Yoga position to relieve work-related stress."
10. "Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!"
9. "I was working smarter-not harder."
8. "Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
7. "I'm in the management training program."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
2. "It's okay... I'm still billing the client." And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:
1. "...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!"
---So there’s this sweet Jewish grandma at this party and she spots a young man
and goes over to him and says "well!, you look like a nice young man, tell me
something about yourself." He says well, I’ve been gone a long time and
it’s nice to be here with my friends. She says "You were gone a long time? Where
did you go. He replies. " Well, I was in prison". Prison she says, OH MY,
Prison. Goodness, how long were you in prison?.
He confides, 15 years.
GOODNESS. 15 years. What on earth did you do to get sent to prison for 15 years. He tells
her "I killed my wife".
She raises her head , looks up at him, smiles and says "so your single?"
If you just smirk, grin, or smile and never guffaw
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