January 2006 Clinic

The January clinic took on a different climate. It was conducted in a retreat-like setting in Apollo Beach, just south of Tampa, FL. The intensity of the clinic remained intact, but was contrasted by times of relaxation by the pool, in the hot tub, or viewing the Manatees in the warm channel waters. Healthy drinks and snacks were plentiful and participants expressed their delight in the sunny warmth of a Florida “winter”.  As with the initial clinic, group dynamics and support were a key component. All participants gained insight into their specific problems; and agreed that while the work was intense, the fun times offered rest and relaxation and lots of laughter. Karaoke night was a big hit!

Here are some testimonials from the January clinic:

Nancy (Adductor 20+ years):  “I feel that I was led to a path that will prove fruitful. I benefited greatly from the knowledge and skills of the facilitators, as well as the empathy, compassion and wise counsel. I felt the time at the clinic helped me unravel some of the variables that have been blocking my voice progress. The holistic approach taken at this clinic is unique and helpful, as this disorder needs to be confronted via the emotional and spiritual journey as well as the physiological level. Connie’s testimony was crucial for me as she is a terrific role model of persevering with composure, faith, grace and confidence – at the same time being honest and real about the struggle.” 

E.A. (Abductor 9 years): “One of the best things of the clinic is the personal one-on-one. SD is so individual that it needs to be repeatedly assessed and a recovery plan personally tailored for each person. The clinic was the one place where all of us were “normal” and Connie’s true understanding of what it felt like was really important to me. It also helped to hear from each other what techniques were helpful. I can now actually see that SD is not always a life sentence, and it certainly isn’t the worse thing to happen to me. If Connie could do it, so can I…

Micki (Adductor 6 years):“I have lived with SD for six years. During that time, I have read, researched, tried to speak differently, and tried every trick I heard of. I could not get a handle on the specific mechanical problems and how to correct them. It was like a condition with a hundred variables with no specific tests to tell what helped or hurt. Through speech therapy, I learned easy onset and soft voicing, but this did not fit my personality or profession. The Roger Love study benefited me greatly and my voice improved, but allergies caused me to lose those gains four months later. This clinic is different in that it is a holistic approach to the problem and the healing. Skilled diagnosticians were able to assess my specific mechanical problems with voice and breathing, and also understand and advise on the human factors that would help or hurt my recovery. The 3 ˝ days was more like a healing and wholeness retreat for the voice than a clinic. I made significant breakthroughs with voice and breathing and know what to do to recover my voice fully.

Marie (Abductor 5 years):“I had had botox treatments which only minimally improved my voice. Not only that, but the botox injections would have to be continued indefinitely. This program has dramatically improved my voice (75%), but probably most importantly, it has given me the tools and insight to continue to help myself. I know that my SD will eventually resolve completely.”

More from Micki N. I have been talking to customers on the phone as well as in person and I think I'm doing fine. I had a bit of a trial coming back. The plane was supposed to leave Tampa at 8. When I got there it said it was delayed until 11, and might be cancelled because Atlanta was fogged in. They sent us to another gate to see if we could get on another plane. I was desperate to get hold of my husband... to tell him not to leave for Dallas. I tried the pay phones. The first time I got a wrong number, and the second time they said our phone had been disconnected. I knew I had to borrow someone's cell phone. So I got in line and said in my new loud voice  "I've got to get hold of my husband so he doesn't leave for the airport and those phones don't work." The lady in front of me whipped out her cell phone and gave it to me. I called him and told him the situation in my new stronger voice (above the noise of the airport and over a crackling line) and he said "Your voice is better!"

When we got on the plane, I found myself sitting next to the lady who had loaned me her phone, and we TALKED all the way to Atlanta. She was from Greenville, SC. She asked why I was in Tampa so I told her. She said "I can understand you just fine." WOW.

A month later.

Say Aaah!

by Micki Nellis

When I landed at Connie Pike and Mike White's Voice Intensive in Apollo Beach, Florida, my psyche soaked up the sunshine and water and warmth and said "Aaah.!"

During the four days, my breathing was worked on and straightened out by Mike, my voice was analyzed and pointed in the right direction by Connie, and I discovered that I love Karaoke.

I changed. Maybe it had something to do with being plucked up from Texas and dropped down in a sunny retreat in totally different surroundings. All I know is that somewhere between the voice and breathing work and sunning by the pool overlooking the canal, sipping the green smoothies Mike made, doing the standing meditations and belting out "Your Cheatin' Heart" on the Karaoke, something broke loose in my personality. I enjoyed tremendously letting my southern drawl roll out those long honky tonk sounds. (I don't know how the listeners enjoyed it - they had this awestruck look on their faces - or was it a stricken look.)

Connie said I'd been stuck, and I believe her. Stuck in my work, my role, my voice, my image, and stuck in a place where I was having no fun at all.

Connie said with the voice, you start with what you can do well. I could laugh. She said I could start my sentences with a bit of excitement and a "Ha, ha --------." Now you must realize that back at home I fix computers and straighten out software. We fantasized how I could say to my customers "Ha, ha, you have a virus." Or maybe "Ha, ha, you need a new computer. Ha, ha go for the works. Ha ha, that'll take me three hours to fix."

This sounds ridiculous, but it pointed up to me how stuck in my conversational habits I had become. All computer geeks speak in a monotone, low key, matter of fact voice. That's partly because you don't want to alarm your customers by varying your pitch and speed. That's bad for your voice. It's like a record player needle stuck in the same groove. I would have a completely different speaking manner if I were a salesperson. Then I would want to get people excited. But as a computer person diagnosing bad news on a computer, you seldom want to send your customers to the brink.

And I realized that there are lots of times I don't even want to talk. Like when a customer calls me up and asks me to explain something I've been asked a million times and know that even if I explain it, he's not going to understand or remember. I fantasized about some answers I could give. Customer: "How does a computer work?"  Me: "Works good."

(I had a minister friend once who didn't understand the first thing about computers. He always asked "Why do I have to do it like that?" -  Like it was a theological question. Finally I started telling him "Because that's the only way it's going to work.")

My voice had taken on the tone of someone who really doesn't want to talk. I used to have a friend who worked at the gas company doing collections. Once we forgot to pay our bill and she had to call us up. Her voice sounded like she'd rather be doing anything else in the world but reminding me to pay my gas bill. My voice has a lot of that in it. You find a little air and squeeze out the sounds with your throat muscles.

I decided from now on I fix computers, I don't answer questions. If a customer wants handholding, I refer them to a friend who needs some extra money.

The four days was a mixture of science, art, mechanics, and gut feelings.

I had taken Mike's free breathing test before I went. I was breathing at a rate of 18 times a minute! I had an exhale of about one second. (How can you speak on the exhale if your exhale lasts only one second?) I had tried to breathe slower and deeper, and each time I would feel panic, air hunger. I had done yoga for three years. I never got the breathing right. I had read a lot on breathing, and had asked questions. I got a lot of different answers.  Mike reached in his bag of tricks with his exercises, devices, and gut feelings, and suddenly I'm breathing at 5 or 6 times a minute, much deeper and calmer. I'm sleeping soundly, and I know how to relax myself. Since coming back home, I have successfully taken myself from panic mode to calm. I have been using the diaphragm strengthener, the straps, and exercises, and the karaoke every day.

Plus he got me hooked on Green Smoothies. That's a whole other story in itself that I'll save for another time.

Before I went to Apollo Beach, I had learned easy onset and confidential voicing in traditional speech therapy. I was one of the lucky ones to go through Roger Love's spasmodic dysphonia study. My voice improved a lot from his training. There were so many things wrong that we barely got started. He said I discovered my larynx there. But every time we would start to think about breathing, I would lose concentration on my larynx.

When allergy season hit in October, I lost ground badly. When I arrived at Connie's, it took her only a few minutes to realize that my velum was closing so air wasn't going into my nose, so I had no resonance. I had previously worked out that I could scrunch up my nose, raise my upper lip, and say no no and nah nah and nay nay, and that after practicing this a while, my voice would smooth out. She pointed out that I didn't have to contort my face, that all I had to do was send a puff of air through my nose to get the sound started (like a reverse sniff.)  Much easier, and much less alarming to whoever I was talking to! She gave me resonance training exercises and my mantra - R&R, which has a triple meaning. Resonance and Release, and have more fun (R&R).

I am convinced that fixing the voice mechanics is a necessary step, but only one step. I think personal problems have to be fixed too. To me this voice problem is like a ball of string that needs unraveling. Instead of just one long piece of string, it is made up of several different strings, with lots of ends. I think you have to unravel the ball of strings by pulling on first one end and then another until it all comes out straight.

Once again I was struck by the fact that each of the group had different problems, even though we all had been diagnosed with spasmodic dysphonia. We had different speaking problems and different breathing problems.

Saying someone has spasmodic dysphonia and therefore needs to do certain exercises is like thinking that American Indians all spoke the same language. Unless you are a trained speech pathologist, you cannot diagnose your own mechanical problems. And I have not run into anyone other than Mike White who can diagnose and fix breathing problems. He's made a lifelong study and practice of it. 

All of the success stories I have heard involved the person making a major lifestyle change. I don't see myself uprooting my home and business, but I do see myself making in situ changes - reinventing my life in place.

I have been incredibly lucky to have had the best teachers. I have good tools. I do not have "an incurable neurologic problem". I am well on my way. And while I'm getting there, I'm going to have more fun! Micki Nellis

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